peacefully musing

Life is so unusual, but most of all it's quick!

Spend your whiles in lots of smiles, and then you won't fall sick.

Little ditties such as these can help the days go by

When you feel you've lost your wings and forgotten how to fly.

I haven't written anything in a long while, be it on this blog, or in my personal handwritten journal, or even in long, rambling emails to my boyfriend.

There's been so much that's happened in the last couple of months, and I feel like I'm moving forward (slowly, but surely) into the rest of my life. Mixed with feelings of "Wow... here comes the rest of my life... the end is certainly not far off into the distance...", it's a little bittersweet. Like the feeling of winning, but knowing that all will be lost soon enough anyway.

But enough of the morbidity!

I'm starting to feel that I'm losing my creative edge. Not that I think I had much of a creative edge to begin with, but for months and maybe years now I've had a little voice in my head that's wanted to grow that little blossom of creativity. To nurture it, water it, give it some air and sunshine, and yield fruit from it. Sadly I haven't given myself much of a chance, and maybe I just haven't got enough of an experimental bone in me to try different media. Well not only that, but developing a collection of mixed media can be rather expensive too.

Recently I purchased some small leather-bound notepads. I don't think they're bound with real leather, but that's ok - it's the visual cue that counts. I haven't finished my current journal yet, so I'll need to get writing before I give myself the privilege of writing, sketching and collecting in a brand new notebook, which will be a new experience (I mostly wrote reams of mundane daily recounts in all of my previous journals). I'm looking forward to it!

life and beyond

I won't lie. I'm scared of dying. The fear has a way of gripping me suddenly, the realisation smacking me in the head like a bucket of ice-cold water being thrown at your face.

Tonight I've been listening to some acoustic tunes - the album 'Dead Wood Falls' by Jen Cloher & The Endless Sea, and now I'm listening to 'Fall & Winter' by Jon Foreman. Both really good albums and I've never given them a proper listen until tonight.

This song just played then, and the lyrics struck me. I'm in an oddly emotional state at the moment so the music had a profound effect on me as it played out its melody.

I'm gonna miss you
I'm gonna miss you
When you're gone
She says, I love you
I'm gonna miss you
And your songs

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
She said, friend

All along I thought
I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die

Hey everyone
I've got nowhere to go
The grave is lazing me
He takes our body slow

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
I said, friend,
All along I thought
I was learning how to take

How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die
Die, die
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die

- Jon Foreman, 'Learning How To Die'

springtime

Looking back and contemplating the ebb and flow of my emotions, it seems that the start of spring (September) has become a time of reflection and nostalgia. Certain songs and musicians evoke memories of yesteryear, moments locked in time, out of reach but still alive in memory.

For example - last week I was listening to "Boa Sorte (Good Luck)" by Vanessa da Mata and Ben Harper, and it threw me back in time, to the days and weeks prior to my current relationship. The sense of wonder and excitement, fear and the "what-if" factor... emotions that last only as long as the courtship. But I think they're important emotions. They help me remember how I felt when I first started to fall in love. They remind me how I got here, and the memories make me smile.

Currently I'm listening to Dave Matthews and was briefly lost in a moment of nostalgia about my friendship with Scott, because he's the one who introduced me to the music. And let's face it, sometimes I am completely besotted with the musical persona of Dave Matthews, illustrated through his music and lyrics. So this music wields a lot of emotional clout, and I have Scott to thank for it.

Rise and fall, roads divided, connections discovered, uncovered, and lost.

"Tolerance is the only real test of civilization."

- Arthur Helps

a bit of backtracking

Tues 18 May

Had a great chat with Mat over coffee. Ooh that rhymes. It's nice to find somebody who you can talk to and you know the other person understands you, even though you never really hang out together or do anything together besides catch up over coffee. I have unusual friendships like that, but they feel like the most rewarding ones because you end up talking about some interesting subjects!

What a lovely dinner! Perfect company of course, and even better conversation. Serious topics, light topics, love and laughter. Went out to Baia San Marco with Joao for some yummy Italian food. Followed it up with a rich chocolate mud cake and ice cream... indulgence. Mmm.

It was such a good evening - after the ridiculous mood swings of last week, today I finally felt like I was back to normal again. I think I need to consciously maintain a healthy combination of spending time with friends and boyfriend respectively, and that's what keeps me as my happy self.

Wed 19 May

Had lunch with Eszter and Endre. Always have a good laugh and a chat with them - discovered Endre got engaged! Exciting stuff! It's all happening this year. I really enjoy hanging out with the two of them, the conversation is always fun and even though it's been so long since we last saw each other, there's no awkwardness. I function much better in small groups - even in a larger group I'm easier with one-on-one conversations.

Dinner at Takeru and dessert at the Chocolate Room with Joao, Mig, Dani, Kat, Diana, and cameo appearances by Colin, Calista and Ian Wang. As usual the conversation was nothing short of hilarious, and although half the group hadn't met each other before, the combination worked surprisingly well. It was such a fun evening, I was really glad that everybody was able to make it at such short notice.

Mon 19 July

Tonight's salsa class was great fun. Having not seen the class for two weeks made me realise how much I enjoy everybody's company. It's an hour of social refreshment for me. I feel familiar enough with the group to be able to crack jokes or make light conversation, and at the same time I know little enough that I still have plenty of questions I could ask everybody to get to know them better.

I feel like I don't often end up dancing with our instructor Oren, but it's always a good chance for me to refine my developing technique. Instead of having to reiterate the moves we're learning, he gives advice that according to him is 'just nitpicking'. It's a nice feeling to know that I'm progressing well. Having said that, I'm starting to feel sufficiently challenged by the moves we've been learning recently, so I know I've definitely got a lot of practising to do!

a good weekend in july

Sometimes I have some really nice weekends. These days, they are usually prefaced with beautiful winter sunlight and a productive train ride into the city, meaning I'm completing some work, an email, or some study. Or it's a peaceful ride where I'm listening to some great music that makes me want to sing or dance, or smile uncontrollably.

Highlights from the weekend that just passed...

* Home-made improvised lunch courtesy of J (don't know how it was made but I think I know what went into it.... oregano, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, minced meat, onion, wholegrain bread, diced olives), followed by yummy ice cream (not home-made)

* Enjoying a post-lunch movie - Disney's Hercules. Good fun!

* Actually getting some study done!

* Being wowed by some professional couples at the Australian Salsa Open and also getting some dance time in between, not to mention bumping into some old friends from high school who were performing that night!

* Lazy Sunday morning in bed, followed by a nice brunch at Jet Caffe... smoked ham & cheese croissant with peppermint tea to accompany. Delish!

* Getting a little bit more study done :)

* Late lunch at The Watershed in Darling Harbour... a small share plate for two, plus nachos. We were stuffed by the end of it!

* Interesting conversations on dog and baby names :)

* Another post-lunch movie - Disney's Pocahontas, which was made a little funnier than usual thanks to the added sound effects of J!

I'm exhausted but what a fun couple of days. As usual. :)

a moment of musical insanity

Sometimes I feel so hungry for music, I'm overwhelmed with a desire to listen to many, many artists at once. Names and songs rush madly through my head, like a freight train running late to its next destination. I want to sing. I want to close my eyes and listen. I want to dance. I want to sit still and absorb. I want to feel the music flowing through me. At times like these I wish my body could be a giant musical sponge - if I could just pour the songs, like paint, into a giant tray, letting all the colours mix and mingle... then I would dive in, letting the sounds, the emotions, the textures seep through every pore of my being. Such an intense desire, and at times like these I feel as though there isn't enough time to satisfy the cravings. While I'm listening to one song, I'm already thinking about another song that I desperately want to listen to.

I don't know what it is that brings about these bouts of craziness. But it's clear that music is a deep part of who I am and what I desire to maintain in my life.

words from a friend (circa 2005)

"The world is your adventure.

A million paths lie at your feet, just waiting for that first step. Hit the ground running Joan, not stumbling. Chase your dreams every second of your life, and never regret anything you do, no matter how bad.

Your dreams are your guide and your heart is your compass. It often hurts but it never lies."

dreams

Music moves me in a way that is hard to describe. Sometimes it relaxes me, or it makes me want to dance, sing or jump around. I usually can't concentrate on anything else when I'm listening to music that really grabs my soul; other times, I use it to block out the distractions around me.

Some songs help me believe that my dreams will become a reality one day.

As I was listening to the song in the video above, I relaxed, I let go of the stress and the tensions that have been consuming my mind lately, and all I could do was picture the future, and how I would dearly like it to be.

More than anything, I'd like to travel the world. If I had the time, the money and the superhuman ability to achieve it, I would visit every single town in every single country to help me understand humanity, to discover the similarities and the differences between people all over the world, and to discover what it is in life that is truly worth cherishing.

this blog: a quick review.

Feeling inspired to write again. A quick scan over my previous blog posts in the last year or so makes me think that I was one troubled little kid! And it's probably not far from the truth. The human mind has an amazing ability to forget or move on from pain. At least mine does. That aside, it's probably also an indication of my bad memory.

In a previous post I noted that 2009 appeared to be the year of New Friends and Musical Experiences. Now that the year is over, I would like to correct myself and conclude that 2009 was The Year of Break-Ups. Almost every long-term relationship in my extended social circle was ended at some point during the year, mine included. I think only one of the couples ended up reuniting, and all other parties have gone their separate ways. It was a killer year in that respect. Never have I seen so many hearts broken and 'ships sunken.

But after the rain comes a rainbow, and a new lease on life. And for my new lease, it's certainly worth the rent.

Love is a fascinating game. So many unexpected twists and turns.

My last relationship ended on a flurry of sour notes. Reading through some of my earlier blog posts helps me remember that I was very much in love, and I tried my best. But now I realise that the cracks were always there. Nobody, especially the one you love, should make you cry as much as I seem to have cried. It's over now, so I'm not losing sleep over it. That chapter of my life is now closed and thrown to the winds.

My current relationship... what a whole different kettle of (cod)fish. It's hard to describe it without sounding over-the-top and cheesy and corny and all the rest, so I will summarise with "I am really very happy".

And now, time for sleep, for I seek rest and beauty.

tired musings

Writing because I can't be bothered starting my tax assignment tonight. I'll get some rest, try not to get any more sick than I am (otherwise that will make me actually sick, not almost-sick), and start it in the morning.

---
The funny thing?

The reason for which I dislike a handful of girls I know, actually exists within me too. Funny how you can hate somebody or have less respect for somebody because of what they do, even though you've been there yourself. I tolerate them because I'm no better than they are, and I know the kind of mindset they have; and one of the key reasons I can restrain myself is because I'm sick of fucking up my life. I really am.

Anyway.

I'm actually not depressed!

I had a wonderful day today actually. Really productive day at work, despite all the distractions, which were also a lot of fun.

Had a lovely lunch with my boyfriend at a restaurant/cafe called Rosebud. We had a sharing platter which was quite tasty, and I had an Egyptian tea with rose water and actual mint leaves in the glass. Easily the best thing I've tasted all year.

I'd like to live in Balmain. The whole area seems peaceful and friendly; there are lots of dogs being walked all the time; it's near the city but not bustling like the city; it's near the water; and it feels a little like a quiet semi-busy street in Melbourne but with better weather.

Bought a box of Belle Fleur chocolates for Mum as an early Mother's Day gift, and bought a couple for myself as a small treat. I felt that 2 chocolates was enough self-indulgence, so I shared the other 2 with my boyfriend.

The weather was also fantastic - radiant blue skies in the day, glowing full moon in clear skies at night.

What a wonderful day :)

TBTTHTMT: Egyptian mint tea with rose water. Incredible.

just a couple of things i've been thinking about

My dream life (or at least the aspects I've thought about so far):

- I will live in a moderately spacious apartment or town house, ie. somewhere in a complex, because it makes me feel safer than just being in a house;
- The house will let in a lot of natural light, especially the bedroom so I can wake up with the sun;
- I might have one or two pets - dogs and/or cats;
- The house will have a good sound system;
- I will be able to host occasional dinner parties or games nights at my place, so I can catch up with my friends on a regular basis;
- I will have a large comfortable sofa that is great for snuggling and cuddling :)

Things I appreciate in people, and also in a relationship (in no particular order):

- Musical & artistic creativity
- Sportiness
- Inner strength
- An appreciation of the natural world, the flora and fauna
- A willingness to listen to and learn from others
- A thirst for all kinds of knowledge
- A deep interest in world cultures
- Tact & awareness, generally being alert of one's surroundings
- The ability to laugh at yourself as well as others
- Openness, including a natural inclination to share, or "show and tell"
- Humility
- Patience
- Understanding
- Energy
- Gratitude
- Acceptance (being non-judgmental)
- A natural generosity towards others, friends and strangers alike
- The desire to self-improvement
- Level-headedness
- A good sense of humour
- Honesty

Even I don't have all of the above. But maybe I'll get there one day..

purgation.

Random fact:
Consciously or not, I seem to naturally maintain an element of detached-ness in my life.

As a result, I will periodically purge my sent/received messages folders on my phone, my Facebook sent/received messages, and my auto-saved Gmail chats.

In the rare event that I've stopped talking to somebody or had a falling out with them, I also eventually go through my email account and delete all related messages. That way, I'll forget whatever emotions I originally associated with that person, and I am able to move on completely. That doesn't mean I don't think about them occasionally (I don't often forget people who have entered my life at some stage), but the important part is that I don't recall what was said between us, which is usually the sparking factor for emotional attachment.

Out of sight, out of mind.

extremely excited / a quick reflection

Just then I ordered a super deluxe package of the new Dave Matthews Band album Big Whiskey & the Groogrux King (such a strange name, yet SO awesome), which means everything will arrive in a special box which includes the album itself, a 2nd CD with 4 extra tracks, a DVD, a 40-page Photo book, 14 lithographs featuring the drawings/artwork by Dave Matthews and a 24-page photo booklet.

I also recently purchased tickets to see Ladysmith Black Mambazo live at the State Theatre at the end of June. I've never seen them performing live before, so I'm looking forward to this concert. They've been around for such a long time now, i.e. over 20 years. It'll be unreal.

I'll be taking my boyfriend along, but I don't know how much he'll enjoy it. We've been to a number of concerts lately, and each performance was by artists that I really respect and adore, so he wasn't really as excited as I was. Fair enough - it's always harder to be equally excited as somebody else when it's not your thing. But as a result, I felt as though I wasn't able to fully enjoy the experience because he was either bothered by something/somebody there, or I'd look back at him and he'd have an unimpressed look on his face. But I can't blame him for his expression - I'm probably the same when I'm listening to music. Unless you're in an extended state of sheer excitement and happiness, it's hard to look happy while you're concentrating on something else, such as watching the performers.

Take for instance the Ben Harper concert we recently went to. I know I wasn't smiling for a lot of the show, and I kept looking at certain people around me, to see what their reactions were. Looking back, I feel like I wasted the experience a bit because I kept looking at other people. And then my brain would wake up and tell me "Ben Harper's right in front of you". with that thought, the excitement would begin to seep through my mind again, and a smile would spread itself across my face.

I can't believe I saw Ben Harper live.

Oh man.

:)

But back to my original reason for posting. The two recent musical purchases have each cost me over $100. And I don't like to spend a lot of money these days, so I don't know what compelled me to make those purchases. I can say with confidence though, when it comes to these kinds of things I am usually faced with two extreme opinions: Completely forget about the item altogether and be perfectly okay with not having bought it, or be fully committed to the item and buy it with little to no regard of the cost. When I'm fully committed, I am 100% sure about the purchase and I really enjoy the experience that the item provides, through and through.

I like the fact that I can do that - I cherish every [relatively expensive] item I purchase with a sense of love and gratefulness. I don't ever want to become a person who gets used to being able to buy expensive things, and fills their life with such goods. I doubt I'll ever have the capacity to do that anyway, but living life with lots of thankful thoughts makes everything feel much better and more positive.

I'm currently listening to the new Ben Harper album White Lies for Dark Times online. The whole album is being streamed on Myspace before its release in early May, and it is definitely a great set of tracks. One of the songs sounds A LOT like the Paul Winn Band which I think is kind of cool! I should probably do an album review later..

---

So far, I think my life can be summed up like this:

1988-1992: The Hazy Years or The Photographic Years (because I hardly remember anything from this period, and my memory is stimulated by the plethora of photo albums)

1993-1999: The Primary School Years

2000-2005: The High School Years

2006: the Year of Work & Uni

2007: the Year of Much Doubt

2008: the Year of Life-Changing Relationship Mistakes

And so far, 2009 has been the Year of New Friends and Musical Experiences.

---

Life's crazy. It's too short, but there's so much time that gets wasted too.

But you know what the best thing about life is?

Music.

a music-infused lifestyle.

I've been listening to so much music these days. It's as though my brain has suddenly undergone some kind of neuron(?) reconstruction. In the last week or so I have cycled through a ridiculous number of different genres. I feel like I wrote about this not too long ago, but today I listened to R&B tunes, then Duffy's album, some of Jehro's album, then some John Coltrane jazz, and now I'm onto soul music.

I originally had a plan of study tonight, and I was also going to sleep early (around 9.30 or 10pm). Unfortunately this all went out the window when I decided that I should spend some time catching up on a couple of mp3blogs that I follow.

Music is just fantastic. I've yet to meet somebody with similar tastes to mine, but if I ever do.. well I don't know what would happen. But I'd hope for the development of a musically rich friendship.

Ben Harper and the Dave Matthews Band are my two most favourite artists. I have a big poster of Ben Harper on my wall; if there were decent DMB posters around I'd consider having them on my wall too.

I do adore a great many other musicians, but if anybody were to ask me "Who is/are your favourite musician/s?", I would always answer with BH & DMB. I don't know why though. Maybe it's the combination of good music with mildly offbeat lyrics. They manage to sing about love and relationships and the rest, but with a kind of musical poetry that doesn't exist in anybody else's music. The following lyrics always spring to mind when I consider the aforementioned point:

Like Marie Antoinette said to Louis XVI,
"Man, I think we're going down.
Our chances are slim and none,
and I'm afraid slim just left town."
- "Say You Will", Ben Harper [Lifeline (2007)]

I'm running on about 4 hours sleep, and I have to work tomorrow so I think I'll end it here. I'll leave you with a quote that was quoted on Souled On, the mp3blog that I've been catching up with all night:

"Among the different arts, the art of music has been especially considered divine, because it is the exact miniature of the law working within the whole universe. For instance if we study ourselves we shall find that in the beats of the pulse and the heart, in the inhaling and exhaling of the breath, all is the work of rhythm."

--Hazrat Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan

because i feel like blogging.

Today I tried making curry rice for the first time. The curry wasn't as thick as I would have liked, but it was still yummy with rice. I'm glad I finally know how to make a dish that isn't baked!

I also tried making cookies using Belle's recipe (I now call them Belle's cookies, hehe), and they turned out to be very yummy! Soft on the inside, exactly like she said :) Although because I knew just how much butter and sugar had gone into the mix, I felt guilty to have eaten 3 or 4 of the 12 cookies that I made. I'm sure that most cakes and cookies have similar amounts of butter / sugar that go into their production, but mum always puts in less sugar or butter than the recommended amount "because you don't actually need that much and it's fattening / bad for you", so I've naturally adopted this attitude too.

It's really spooky, just how much of your parents' behaviour you adopt. I believe some of it is nature, and some of it is nurture. Especially if you've lived 20+ years with them.

I'm on a mission to obtain all the lyrics for Ben Harper's songs so I can learn them properly. I would also make this attempt with Dave Matthews Band songs, were it not for the fact that some of the words he sings are quite difficult to comprehend properly, and so I don't know how accurate the lyrics will be when I find them on the internet. In any case, by tackling Ben Harper's studio album discography I'm taking on around 100 songs so this will definitely be a gradual process.

I'd also like to learn more of Angelique Kidjo's songs. Shs sings in a variety of languages though, so tracking down the translations as well as the lyrics could be a bit difficult. I saw Angelique Kidjo in concert at the Opera House last night, as part of a double bill with Ayo (who was wonderful on stage with her band), and she was absolutely fantastic. She's got such a powerful spirit that it really seems indefatigable. The energy exuding from her singing and dancing was really uplifting to experience, and I feel so lucky to have seen her perform live.

To make up for my lack of posts these days..

..this is a brief recount of things that have happened lately.

- Saw Ben Harper at the Metro on Thursday night. It was unreal. Words cannot explain.

- Grace Woodroofe was the opening act for Ben Harper and she was really good too. Ben Harper produced her album. She is the second artist to be this lucky (the first being Tom Freund, who is good mates with Ben). Sooo lucky!

- I can't believe I missed out on the chance to meet Ben Harper at an afterparty show. I also waited outside the Metro for a while in the hope that I would meet him, but this was not to be either. I should have thought ahead and written him a letter or something, then I could have given it to the roadies.

- Mum is occasionally teaching me how to make things in the kitchen. And by this, I mean she tells me to come to the kitchen and I watch and take notes. So far I have written down the recipes for pancakes and curry rice.

- I was going to try and keep a handwritten recipe book, but I hate my handwriting when I write quickly so I've decided on the paper-free option instead. It's a lot easier and neater, and now I have an automated table of contents! I've also included Belle's recipe for cookies in my recipe book. Can't wait to try it out :D

- I've been getting back in touch with some of the Mingus Big Band musicians via FB. It's always a great experience to be talking to professional musicians, and learning more about their world and how they approach music.

- Learning French at uni is great fun. I just hope I can be diligent enough to practice speaking more, and then maybe I can actually hold small conversations with people without having notes in my hand!

- I am afraid that I will fail Taxation Law this semester. And possibly my marketing subject too. I need to get on top of my subjects ASAP.

- I'm really looking forward to the release of the new Dave Matthews Band album as well as the album being released by Ben Harper & Relentless 7. Both are shaping up to be hugely fantastic!

- One of my friends has been diagnosed with a rare cancer and is undergoing treatment at hospital. I still haven't seen him yet but I can't stop thinking about him. I'm also in denial that he's actually sick, and I'm hoping he gets better very soon.

a brief catch-up.

Referring to my previous post, I remember the incident but I have no recollection of the dream I had. Must have been a good one.

Some things that have happened since I last wrote:

- I vowed to cease all attempts at communication with a person who once used to be my closest confidant. I'm so detached now that it doesn't bother me at all, and I prefer not to think about it. Previously this would not have been in my character - I hate losing contact with people and I don't like to hate people either. But life changes, and so do you, and decisions must be made. So I'm not going to bother with trying to contact him ever again. The day for change will be if he ever tries to get in touch with me first. I doubt he'll ever bother.

- On the bright side, I made a new friend recently who I really enjoy talking to. We seem to have a lot in common, but we also have different interests which keeps the conversations filled with variety. I think the best thing is that he writes as much as I do.. I don't know anybody else that can do that on a regular basis!

- I've started talking to an old friend more often than I have in the last couple of years. Ironically while he's overseas! But it's good. Things can only get better from here.

- I turned 21. I still don't think of myself as being 21 - I don't attribute myself with any particular age. I just am. Yes it all sounds very philosophical and what-not, but I feel like I'm constantly doing something, and I haven't had the time (or maybe I just haven't given myself the time) to think about being 21 and what that means. Apparently I'm now well and truly an adult - that's scary.

- I feel secure and happy in my relationship. I've never felt so content and at ease about this before. But these days I feel love, and yet I feel so helpless at the same time. My boyfriend seems to be going through a rough patch.. and it feels like it's lasted for months. It bothers me that I can't seem to cheer him up enough for him to try and take a more positive approach to it all. Strangely it reminds me of the person I think I used to be, and the reason I've changed now is because I don't give myself time to dwell on the bad stuff. Either that or I contemplate it so much that I desensitize myself and am able handle the problem better.

- I've started reading on a regular basis again. I can't express how this makes me feel, but it's a lovely feeling to lose yourself in a book that you really enjoy.


Emotions are confusing sometimes, and love can be trying. But when you're loyal, you're loyal. You block out everything else, for better or for worse, and you're in it for the long haul. Perhaps an unromantic way of saying "I love you", but there, I said it.

Changes

I'm one of those people who like to write new year's resolutions occasionally and then promptly forget about them within the first couple of weeks. Not because I want to, it's just that I go through so much self-reflection most days of the year that I have plenty of other self-improvements to think about.

Lately I've noticed a few changes to my daily or weekly habits though, which has been interesting and quite pleasing too. The biggest change is that I've started reading books again, and on a regular basis. Last year I would pick up a book, read it a few times, and then leave it on the shelf for a month or more. Then I got really stuck into Nelson Mandela's "A Long Walk To Freedom" - I read it at every opportunity and managed to finish it before the new year - and I also finished off Ernesto (a.k.a. "Che") Guevara's "The Motorcycle Diaries". Both books made me realise that if I ever want to change the world, I will need to have a good knowledge of law, and a great understanding of the people - and it made me seriously consider the option of pursuing a post-graduate degree in law. For someone who's been trying to get rid of all their legal subjects at uni as painlessly as possible, this is a complete turnaround! But the consideration of a post-grad law degree is another story altogether.

I digress! Now I am currently reading another two books - "Swahili for the Broken-Hearted" by Peter Moore, and "Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brian" by Oliver Sacks. The first is a humorous travel diary of sorts - the author starts in South Africa and ends in Cairo, and the narration has an Aussie taste to it (I enjoy the references to Darling Harbour et al, it makes me feel like I'm sharing an in-joke with the author where foreign readers might not). The latter is completely different, focusing on neuroscience and relating tales and cases of people with neurological conditions I've never heard of, with prescriptions of medications that only a Med student might know of. Some of it's over my head, but the stories themselves are quite fascinating and make you wonder at the kind of influence music has on the human brain and perceptions, etc. Once I've finished these two books (I hope to be done by the end of the month at the latest), I'll continue to go through the rest of the books on my shelf that I bought years ago and still haven't read.

Realising that I was reading more frequently has also made me notice just how much reading of other material I've been doing, notably through Google Reader. I've recently signed up to a bundle of psychology blogs, I follow a number of preferred music blogs, and I also read a few friends' blogs - this probably takes up a good chunk of my time during the week.

However I've also noted a distinct lack or decline in an area of my life that used to be all-consuming - musical performance. I no longer play the piano every couple of days - it might be once a week if I'm lucky - and I probably sing even less than that. I truly believe that the quality of my singing and my singing voice is probably now at maybe 40-50% of what it used to be in high school, and it's such a depressing thought that I don't think about it at all if I can help it. But I had this epiphany in the shower last night, and I am hoping to make amends. The irony of it all is that I have more instruments in my house than I've ever had, with Lex lending me his alto sax and his bass guitar!

So if I have a new year's resolution this year - and let's just make it one, because I'd forget any more - it will be to get back into playing music, not just listening to it. How do I propose to change this? Perhaps a bit less blog reading. Definitely devoting more time to myself, i.e. spending less time trying to call the boy when he's busy playing PS3/pool/poker because I'm just disturbing him anyway. Less FB-ing.

Writing all this has brought me to another realisation - I'm not sporty anymore - and most likely becoming quite unfit! I haven't gained any additional weight as a result, but I'm sure a lot of my muscle (not that I had much to begin with) has relaxed into fat. I have great plans in my head that this will all change once the uni semester begins again and I buy a gym membership at Unigym. But until then, I should at least be stretching in my room on a regular basis! I used to do it a lot but then something changed and the routine was lost. Funny how habits fade in and fade out like that.

So - in summary?
More reading. More music playing. More exercise!

it's all about the people

It's been a while since the last post, and I am having a much more positive relationship with life and love. And besides, life couldn't be up if it didn't have it's downs. :)

Just finished my second week of work, and although I don't think I was 100% productive and efficient, I had a great time in terms of preparing for the weeks ahead and also starting to develop new friendships with people I'd never really talked to before, as well as a stronger relationship with current friends. There are some really good people at work. When I say "good" people, I don't mean that in a work-skills sense - there are lots of people who are excellent at what they do, like Ruse there are many high performers here - but I mean it in the sense that they have a good heart, and there is something more to them than just doing a good job at work. It's these people who I like the most, and hopefully I'll be able to develop stronger bonds with the right people during my summer holiday work.


Quotes from Souled On.

"I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other man's freedom. You can only be free if I am free."
Clarence Darrow

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
Jean-Paul Sartre

"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom."
Marilyn Ferguson