life and beyond

I won't lie. I'm scared of dying. The fear has a way of gripping me suddenly, the realisation smacking me in the head like a bucket of ice-cold water being thrown at your face.

Tonight I've been listening to some acoustic tunes - the album 'Dead Wood Falls' by Jen Cloher & The Endless Sea, and now I'm listening to 'Fall & Winter' by Jon Foreman. Both really good albums and I've never given them a proper listen until tonight.

This song just played then, and the lyrics struck me. I'm in an oddly emotional state at the moment so the music had a profound effect on me as it played out its melody.

I'm gonna miss you
I'm gonna miss you
When you're gone
She says, I love you
I'm gonna miss you
And your songs

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
She said, friend

All along I thought
I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die

Hey everyone
I've got nowhere to go
The grave is lazing me
He takes our body slow

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
I said, friend,
All along I thought
I was learning how to take

How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die
Die, die
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die

- Jon Foreman, 'Learning How To Die'

‎"I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words, how wonderful life is, now you're in world..." ♥

something good... *

Perhaps I had a wicked childhood...
Perhaps I had a miserable youth...
But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past,
There must have been a moment of truth.

For here you are, standing there, loving me,
Whether or not you should...

So somewhere in my youth or childhood,
I must have done something good.

Nothing comes from nothing;
Nothing ever could...
So, somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good.

For here you are, standing there, loving me

Whether or not you should...

So somewhere in my youth or childhood,

I must have done something good.

Nothing comes from nothing;

nothing ever could...

So, somewhere in my youth...

...or childhood...

I must have done something...

Something...

Good...

yes, this is love.

I wanna love you and treat you right;
I wanna love you every day and every night.
We'll be together with a roof right over our heads;
We'll share the shelter of my single bed.
We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provide the bread.

Is this love, is this love, is this love,
Is this love that I'm feelin'?
Is this love, is this love, is this love,
Is this love that I'm feelin'?
I wanna know, wanna know, wanna know now!
I got to know, got to know, got to know now!

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I - I'm willing and able,
So I throw my cards on your table!
I wanna love you- I wanna love and treat, love and treat you right;
I wanna love you every day and every night:
We'll be together, yeah! - with a roof right over our heads;
We'll share the shelter, yeah, oh yeah! - of my single bed;
We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provides the bread.

Is this love, is this love, is this love,
Is this love that I'm feelin'?
Is this love, is this love, is this love,
Is this love that I'm feelin'?
Wo-o-o-oah! Oh yes, I know, yes, I know, yes, I know now!
Oh yes, I know, yes, I know, yes, I know now!

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I - I'm willing and able,
So I throw my cards on your table!
See- I wanna love ya, I wanna love and treat ya,
Love and treat ya right.
I wanna love you every day and every night.
We'll be together, with a roof right over our heads;
We'll share the shelter of my single bed.
We'll share the same room, yeah! Jah provides the bread.
We'll share the shelter of my single bed.

- Bob Marley, "Is This Love"

before thirty

You know I dreamed about you

for twenty-nine years before I saw you

You know I dreamed about you

I missed you for

for twenty-nine years

- Excerpt from lyrics to "Slow Show" by The National

(:

Smile, tho' your heart is aching,
Smile, even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky -
You'll get by..

If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through -
For you..

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,
Altho' a tear may be ever so near..

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile - what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile..

- "Smile", Charlie Chaplin

time for some soul.

I love the music of Al Green. This is a fantastic song, plenty of smooth groove and beautiful singing.

Let's stay together

I, I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
Is all right with me
'Cause you make me feel so brand new
And I want to spend my life with you

Do you say the same baby
Since, since we've been together
Loving you forever
Is what I need
Let me be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue

Ooh baby
Let's, let's stay together
Lovin' you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Wooooooo
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad

Why, somebody
Why people break up
Then turn around and make up
I just can't see
But you'd never do that to me (would you, baby)
Staying around you is all I see
Here's what I want us to do

Let's, we oughta stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad
Come on
Let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, times are good or bad, happy or sad


Here's Guy Sebastian performing a cover:




And now, the original.. Al Green himself. There's something really sexy about guys who can sing like this.

odd.

Something's strange
I don't know what it is
But it keeps coming and coming
Running through my head

Pulsing through my body like a heartbeat
The melodies they move me, they get me on my feet

Something's strange
I don't know what it is
But it won't stop flowing
Through me

I'm beyond this world now
Take me where you will
I will run and you will follow
Chase me to the end

Something's strange
And I don't know what it is
But it's fascinating me
I don't want to leave

That took me less than five minutes to write. The last time I tried to write a song was in Year 8 and it was embarrassing to perform, I hated it that much.

This song has no music yet.. but that will come to me when it's ready.

lizz wright: when i close my eyes

When I close my eyes
I can almost taste you
I can't face you
You're still too strong
And it's no surprise
I can't erase you
I tried to replace you
But it all went wrong

'Cause seeds don't crawl off the mountain
And they don't fall, fall from the tree
And they don't drop, not when you're counting
Or maybe that's my sweet philosophy
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Mmm...

When I close my eyes
I dream about you
Tell me how to
Tell me how not to
Grab on to something new
I looked my fate past through
But instead I keep on holding on
I keep holding on
When I close my eyes
I think about you
I just can't let you go
Oh, oh, oh, yeah

---

A light, dreamy song.. makes me feel good.

alicia keys - butterflyz

Lately when I look into your eyes I realise
You're the only one I need in my life
Baby I just don't know how to describe
How lovely you made me feel inside

You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz

You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz

It seems like the light you give
From the start you told me I would be your queen
But never had I imagined such a feeling
Joy is what you bring
I want to give you everything

You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz

You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control these butterflyz

You and I are destiny
I know now you were made for me**

Oh oh ooh
I can't control it
It's driving me
Taking me over

You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz

You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz

**This is the most beautiful part in the song. The words reach out and stretch across space with pure ecstasy.

take me home, country roads..

I have an album. It's called "John Denver's Greatest Hits". It was one of the few albums I listened to while growing up (some others included two Girlfriend albums).

I don't know what it is about the music, but this album really makes me feel so warm and beautifully happy from the inside. I feel as though I'm glowing with happiness and no amount of wide grinning can accurately reflect it.

The songs on this album are generally peaceful and soothing. The slight country twang in the background makes me think of golden pastures in the American outback, and there's a hint of homesickness in the songs, a wistfulness that brings out a reminiscent frame of mind in me.

Looks like I'll have to dig out my Simon & Garfunkel, and The Carpenters too..

This is one of the happiest, loving songs on the album in my opinion:

John Denver - For Baby (For Bobbie)

I'll walk in the rain by your side,
I'll cling to the warmth of your hand,
I'll do anything to keep you satisfied
I'll love you more than anybody can.

And the wind will whisper your name to me
little birds will sing along in time,
leaves will bow down when you walk by
and morning bells will chime.

I'll be there when you're feelin down
to kiss away the tears that you cry,
I'll share whith you all the happiness I've found
a reflection of the love in your eyes.

And I'll sing you the songs of the rainbow,
I'll whisper of the joy that is mine
and leaves will bow down when you walk by
and morning bells will chime.

I'll walk in the rain by your side,
I'll cling to the warmth of your tiny hand,
I'll do anything to help you understand
I love you more than anybody can.

And the wind will whisper your name to me
little birds will sing along in time,
leaves will bow down when you walk by
and morning bells will chime.

Sinner - Neil Finn

See it anyone got my eyes got my face
Sing it everyone got my nose got my blood
Conscience plays upon me now
Safe until my luck runs out
Cuckoos call, pendulum swings
I thought you knew everything
Lift my hands make the cross

Sinner I have never learned
Beginner I cannot return
Forever I must walk this earth
Like some forgotten soldier

Those things I should keep to myself
But I feel somehow strangely compelled
Under moonlight I stood wild and naked
Felt no shame just my spirit awakened

Sinner
Seein' everything, got my eyes got my face
Fireball drop from the sky
All my dreams have come to pass
Where's my faith is it lost
Can't see it till I cast it off

Sinner there is no such thing
Beginner I have learned to sing
Forever I must walk this earth
Like some forgotten soldier

Today I am still disconnected
To the face that I saw in the clouds
And the closest I get to contentment
Is when all of the barriers come down

Sinner
These things I should keep to myself
But I feel somehow strangely compelled
And the closest I get to contentment
Is when all of the barriers come down

Sinner

---

Listening to old albums. Australian music is great. Looking forward to listening to Vusi on the train to work this morning. He's South African.

Floetry - If I Was A Bird

(Spoken) Sometimes blindness finds me
and leads me through ignorance
not allowing us to gain experience
so we become lifeless
At other times I cover with
self pity or walk aimlessly through reality so
Occasionally I choose to travel alone
but never fulfil my possibility so
mostly I attempt to achieve balance
by seeking right knowledge of loving
and reviewing and eventually overstanding those
many lessons of my life

You got me caught in a stormy eye world of dreams
And I beg to see truth and promises you've made to me
Now we’ve come so far but my visions of happiness
With you in my life I’m afraid and confused
If I was a bird I’d fly

If I was a bird I’d fly away
Spread my wings so I’d escape
If I was the sky
I’d let it rain to wash away the pain

If I was a bird I’d fly away
Spread my wings so I’d escape
If I was the sky
I’d let it rain to wash away the pain

Now why do I feel so alone
Knowing I know I have you
And what made you turn around on me
What did I do
And when did love feel this way
So much pain and misery
Where’s the you I once knew
And could ya fly with me

If I was a bird I’d fly away
Spread my wings so I’d escape
If I was the sky
I’d let it rain to wash away the pain

If I was a bird I’d fly away
Spread my wings so I’d escape
If I was the sky
I’d let it rain to wash away the pain

Now I can’t stay
You won’t need me
Set me free and let me fly
Oh fly with me
Fly with me me
Fly with me yeah
Fly oh fly fly

If I was a bird I’d fly away
Spread my wings so I’d escape
If I was the sky
I’d let it rain to wash away the pain

If I was a bird I’d fly away
Spread my wings so I’d escape
If I was the sky
I’d let it rain to wash away the pain

Fly away

If I was the sky
I’d let it rain to wash the pain

Fly away

happy in love

Love.

I can't function with it, and I can't survive without it.

---

I dont need me a basketball player
All I need is somebody that's down for me
And he don't have to have money
His love is just like honey
It's so sweet to me
He can have everything in this world
But he'll sacrifice it all for me
And I made up my mind
I'm in love this time
And it feels so real

And I
Know that he won't break my heart
And I
Know that we won't ever part
It's time, time for us to settle down
And I
Wanna be with him forever

They can say that I am crazy
For makin' him my baby
But that's how it's gon' be
See I done been through many changes
But this one I ain't changing
It's gon' stay the same

I can have everything in this world
But I'll sacrifice it all for him
And I made up my mind
I'm in love this time
And it feels so real

I love you
And all of the things that you do
Oh baby please
I need you (I need you)
So believe me (I do)
I do (ooh)
Cause I love you (I love you)
And every lil thing baby (you do)
They don't know how I feel
Cause I know this is real

-- Ciara, "And I"

---

Let's go back in time
When seeing your ID on mine
Made me crazy
Ooh baby I'm saying

Let's go back there
Let's take it there

I'm talking 'bout
Back in time
When you wanted to know my every move
Tried to keep it smooth
Keepin' up with me
You drove me crazy, ohh baby

Let's go back there
Let's take it there

When you
Didn't know me
Didn't need me
I wanted to touch me
Couldn't leave me
I couldn't know how
Far this would go
I couldn't know if
This was for sure
We just could not
We just could not get enough of it baby, let's go

Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That off-the-wall, won't-stop-'til-I-get-enough kind of love
I need that love
So baby, let's go

Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That I-don't-really-care-we-can-have-it-anywhere kind of love
That wreckless love

Let's go back in time
When our kiss was brand new
An adventure not perfected
A little hesitant

Let's go back there
Let's take it there

Take it back in time
When forever was a minute, and eternity was a second
I'm stressing that we have to go back there
Let's take it there..

When you
Didn't know me
Didn't need me
Wanted to touch me
Couldn't leave me
I couldn't know how
Far this would go
I couldn't know if
This was for sure
We just could not
We just could not get enough of it baby, let's go

Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That off-the-wall, won't-stop-'til-I-get-enough kind of love
I need that love
So baby, let's go

Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That I-don't-really-care-we-can-have-it-anywhere kind of love
That wreckless love

Ooh baby, let's go

Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That off-the-wall, won't-stop-'til-I-get-enough kind of love
I need that love
So baby, let's go

Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That I-don't-really-care-we-can-have-it-anywhere kind of love
That wreckless love

-- Alicia Keys, "Wreckless Love"

---

Let's go back there..
Let's take it there..

Lucky

Do you hear me,
Talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

-- Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat, "Lucky"

---

TBTTHTMT: Thursday - Spending the awesomest day with my boy. It eclipsed my favourite moment of the year (which was when he surprised me by waiting for me at the ticket barriers at the train station when I was coming home). I hope we have many more happy days together, it just feels so good :)

love hurts.. but it still feels so good

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognise
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

-- Ben Folds, "The Luckiest" (from the album Rockin' The Suburbs)

This is such a beautiful song. Thankyou iTunes Genius.

---

The music made me cry some more, but it's also made me stop crying. I don't really know why I felt so down all of a sudden. I guess I was just so happy to see him and spend time with him and then he got down when I didn't mean to make him feel like that. And then I felt bad that I did that. Then later on he got annoyed at me and I felt bad again because I just want to be happy around him. He's my escape from the world; he is my world. When I can't turn to him for a smile, who can I turn to?



Uh-oh. Crying again.

feeling a little flat about myself and the world

I get up in the evening
And I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby I could use just a little help

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun is for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer
Radio's on and I'm moving 'round my place
Check my look in the mirror
Wanna change my hair, my clothes, my face
I ain't getting nowhere sleeping in a dump like this
Something happening somewhere
Something happening somewhere
Something happening somewhere
Something happening somewhere

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun is for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

You can't start a fire
Sitting around crying over a broken heart
This gun is for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

You can't start a fire
Worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun is for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

---

If blood will flow, when flesh and steel are one
Drying in the colour of the evening sun
Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay.

Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime's argument
That nothing comes from violence, and nothing ever could

For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are.

On and on, the rain will fall
Like tears from a star, like tears from a star
On and on, the rain will say
How fragile we are, how fragile we are

On and on, the rain will fall
Like tears from a star, like tears from a star
On and on, the rain will say
How fragile we are, how fragile we are


How fragile we are, how fragile we are.



Tegan & Sarah, "Dancing in the Dark"; Sting, "Fragile"

beyond reality

So here we are tonight, you and me together, the storm outside, and this fire's bright. Oh, and in your eyes I see what's on my mind - you've got we wild, turned around inside. Oh and this desire, she is creeping up heavy.. Oh, inside you, I know you feel the same way as I do now - let's make this an evening, lovers for a night, lovers for tonight..

Well, wait here with me, oh tonight, just for an evening, oh and together this passionate picture, oh love, roll sweet and blistered - and away here, oh, tomorrow go back to being friends..

No, tomorrow we are friends, but tonight let's be lovers. We'll kiss and sweat, we'll turn this better thing to the best of all we can offer, oh, give it to you, this rogue sin, and leave it all behind. And the way says I offer, oh, one last kiss, one more fingertip, reeling away the while and all will be gone soon. You go your way to your man, and to my world if we can, oh..

Away here with me, oh lover, oh an evening, then to paint this passionate picture, oh twist, sweat, love, a secret creature. Man, all away, just for an evening, oh let's strip down and trip out at this, one evening's love, start with a kiss, soon away, yeah and tomorrow, go back to being friends..

Oh, go back to being friends. Tonight let's be lovers, oh yeah, tonight let's be lovers, say you will, tonight let's be lovers, say you will, tonight let's be lovers..

Oh wait here, please, oh, lover, oh, just one evening. Away the love, too late to say, then, oh tonight let's go all the way then! And away we'll sail, just for an evening. Oh, lover let's strip down, trip out at this, one evening's love start with a kiss.. and away here, love. And tomorrow back to being friends, yeah, oh tonight, lover, love yeah, just for tonight, one night, love yeah, oh..

And tomorrow, say goodbye.. tomorrow, say goodbye.. tomorrow, say goodbye..


Dave Matthews Band, 30.4.96, Classic Amphitheatre, Richmond, VA.

30.3.08 - 2.4.08

Dave Matthews - Sister

I've heard this on the Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds: Live at Radio City recording. Beautiful song..

Passing time with you in mind
Its another quiet night
Feel the ground against my back
Counting stars agains the black

Thinking about another day
Wishing I was far away
Wherever I dreamed I was
You were there with me

Sister, I hear you laugh
My heart feels full up
Keep me please
Sister, and when you cry
I feel your tears running down my face
Sister, sister, keep me

I hope you always know it's true
That I would never make it through
Cause you could make the sun go dark
Just by walking away

Playing like we used to play
Like it would never go away
I feel you beating in my chest
I'd be dead without

Sister, I hear you laugh
My heart feels full up
Keep me please
Sister, and when you cry
I feel your tears running down my face
Sister, sister, keep me

I hope you always know it's true
That I will never make it through
You could make the heavens fall
Just by walkin' away

Sister, I hear you laugh
My heart feels full up
Keep me please
Sister, and when you cry
I feel your tears running down my face
Sister, sister, keep me

translation: dos gardenias

I fell in love with the music and words of this song while watching the documentary Buena Vista Social Club". The film shows Ibrahim Ferrer singing the song in concert, with subtitles for DVD viewers. It's something about the minor key that the song is in, and the way in which the song is like a profession of love but a warning at the same time.. it's a kind of gentle ominous-ness, if you can imagine such a thing.

Dos gardenias
Buena Vista Social Club

Dos gardenias para ti
Con ellas quiero decir:
Te quiero, te adoro..
Mi vida.
Ponle toda tu atención
Porque son tu corazón y el mío.

Dos gardenias para ti
Que tendrán todo el calor de un beso
De esos besos que te dí
Y que jamás encontrarás
En el calor de otro querer.

A tu lado vivirán y se hablarán
Como cuando estás conmigo
Y hasta creerás que te diran:
Te quiero.

Pero si un atardecer
Las gardenias de mi amor se mueren
Es porque han adivinado
Que tu amor me ha traicionado
Porque existe otro querer.

Two gardenias for you
With them I want to say:
I want you, I adore you..
My love.
Show them all your attention
Because they are your heart and mine.

Two gardenias for you
That have all the warmth of a kiss
Of those kisses that you give
And that you never encounter
In the warmth of another desire.

They will live by your side and talk to you
Like when you are with me
And until you believe that they say to you:
I want you.

But if one evening
The gardenias of my love are dead
It's because they have guessed
That you have betrayed your love for me
Because there exists another desire.

----------------
Now playing: Clare Bowditch/Feeding Set - The Thing About Grief