the true you; the essence of our being

Earlier this month, this random thought came along and knocked on the door of my mind.

So I wrote it down in this blog, saved it as a draft, and promised myself to come back to it later.

Instead, I ended up discussing the thought with a friend of mine, who is currently living in Scotland- and it was a great conversation we had!

Disclaimer: We click in a strange way, so I don't blame you if you don't understand what we're talking about :)

A: People are constantly affected and changed by their experiences and their environments, so is there such a thing as the 'true' you? How can there be an essence to you if people are constantly everchanging...?

B: I suppose the ego is you, your perception of yourself - because if you look at it, 'you' as anything more than a collection of atoms is purely an intellectual construct really... so arguably doesn't even exist!
When you think about it, you being you is no more real than an imaginary friend.

A: Hmm makes sense I suppose.

B: It does, but it's stupid.

A: But we refer to it so often, like "That's so you", or "That's so him"

B: Well, that's where I think intelligence and perception come into it - I mean I have an idea of who 'you' are - Joan in my perception may be quite different to who you think 'you' are, so for each of us, the idea of a true 'you' is different.

A: We seem to have traits that become typical and predictable. Does that make the true you? Or perhaps the true you also shifts and changes - but then that skews the concept of the true.. Hmmmmmmm

B: Ah yes, another question - what is truth?

A: Indeed. I wouldn't know where to begin with that one

B: The trouble with perception though, is that I perceive who you are according to how I've interacted with you and observed you (as you have with me). So I measure who you are (subconsciously probably) against an idea of Joan I've got in my mind, so when you change, I say things like "That's not like you", whereas YOUR idea of you is ALWAYS changing cos you're living the change. So chances are you won't know what I'm talking about.

A: Whereas somebody else might know me for something else.

B: Exactly.

A: But I think I do know, sometimes, and I check myself; I think, hang on, I wouldn't usually do this - but then there's the question again:
If I havent been in this kind of a situation before, how can I say that I wouldn't "usually" do this?

B: Well, when you're as amazing as you are Joan, you have to ability to perceive yourself as others do. Not all of us can do that. You can anticipate what you might do.

A: Ridiculous! What do you mean?

B: I guess I mean that you're the kind of person who is generally aware of what others think of them. Not in a verbal way, but just aware.

A: You know, I kind of wonder whether people put themselves in others shoes as often I feel like I do sometimes. Like, I see somebody walk past, and then I see out of their eyes.. I imagine holding that book, with that bag, looking at me, or whoever else is walking by..
I probably don't do it as often as I'm implying, but I do it nonetheless.

B: Haha no they don't.. I reckon almost nobody does. Not many people have that kind of awareness. Consideration I guess you call it.

A: Who knows, maybe they do, you just havent talked about it with them ;)

B: Hehe ok that's true. But you can always take a guess. I just get the impression that if people did think like that then more people would be more considerate to each other.

A: Hmm, maybe.

B: Ever find yourself wishing you told someone "Well, how would YOU feel if you were so and so"... I reckon I want to say it at least twice a day, to some schmuck who couldnt care less about the person next to them.

A: But to that question, I might say "Well toughen up", or somebody else might feel that way, because they've been through worse. Of course, its all relative..

B: True, it is, but that's my point...

A: ...and your experiences make you a certain toughness

B: If someone were to reply 'toughen up' well, they're not really considering the other person at all, are they? So that's why I reckon not many people think like that.

A: Or, they're considering the situation of that person, but applying it to their own standard.

B: How so?

A: So, a kind of deluded consideration. Say for example, conversation between three people. Friends, but one's the mediator in the conversation, another's upset, another's being toughnuts. And the mediator's trying to make Mr Toughnuts understand by explaining the sorry situation Mr Upset is in. So the mediator's empathising, he's really putting himself into Mr Upset's shoes. But Mr Toughnuts, having been told the story, is kinda thinking "Well if *I* were in that situation, I'd do this and this etc", so rather than being in the other person's shoes, he's put himself in the scene...? Does that make sense?

B: Yes but Mr Toughnuts isn't really being considerate is he? He's thinking "If I were in that situation", not "Mr Upset is in the situation"

A: Yeah, deluded consideration...? Considering the wrong aspect of the situation..? Hmm maybe my logic is illogic, hehe!

B: Well, what is logic anyway? ;)

A: *slaps head & laughs* Hehe

B: Change topic please...