it's time, once again..

..to save me from myself.

Sometimes I get stuck.

I want to send you a message telling you just how much you're annoying me, or that I hate you, or that I just don't think I'm right for you.

Then I think, no, I don't want to waste a text on that, so then I think about sending you an email. But then I want you to read the email before you call me, but that doesn't work if you're not going to be at home when you call, so I can't do that either. At which point I flick back to the text. Then the email. And so on, and so forth, to the point where I just get so angry that I want to throw something against the wall, and I just can't get anything done, least of all study, because I need to resolve this inner conflict that I have with you.

But you've been through such a rough patch lately, I don't want to tell you how much you're making me dislike you right now.

I don't believe you anymore when you say you'll try to change your ways. Because you "try" for a few hours and the next time I see you, we've forgotten about it. But it's like that proverbial stone. You think it's all going well, when really that stone's just sitting there gathering that dirty moss that eventually gets scrubbed off with a lot of badmouthing and anger and hate.

At this point I would ask, why do you make me do this, but I don't really see how I can point the finger at you entirely (and yet it would be so easy to do that), because it's not as though you're deliberately trying to get on my nerves. But damn, you're really good at it sometimes.

I swear that since you've entered my life, I've had more mood swings than ever before. Especially towards you.

You wonder why we've been to the edge and back so many times. I think it's because I know that in the long run, something's going to give, and I'm going to find the right person, and you're going to find the right person, and then it will be game over, thanks for playing.

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Man, I'm so bad with personal relationships. Friendships are so much easier. Love is a drug, once taken, forever addicted. You end up in a spiral of "serious" relationships, multiple rebounds, and if you lose, you come out of the game feeling much older and more empty than ever. There's a lot to be gained in love, but there's a lot to be lost as well. The platonic love of friendship, or that exciting period of "hope" where there's a chemistry between friends, but neither will act before the other, I think that's where you can derive the most fun.

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Sooner or later I'll brighten up.

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Now playing: Chris Hawkes - Falling Into Doubt