let's think happy thoughts

Recently my boy bought himself an iPod Touch. I'm happy that he's happy, but I get a little depressed whenever he mentions it. I think it's a combination of jealousy, and the fact that he's just spent a couple of hundred dollars on a new toy. But I have to remind myself, it was a "I'm going to spend my first paypacket on something good" gift to himself since the new job, and he totally deserves it, so I should just shut my cakehole and let him enjoy it!

Now that I've written that out, I feel much better! Blogs are so self-helpful :)

Also, I'm trying to be a better listener and be more interested in his interests. I feel like I tried to do that tonight, and gosh it's kinda tiring, when you're interested in something simply because your love is interested. But this is making me appreciate just how wonderful he is, because he's always listened to what I have to say about my own interests, even though he might not be into whatever it is I'm talking about. In fact, one of my girlfriends told me tonight that out of all her friends' boyfriends, mine is her favourite. I feel so lucky!

Doing all of this is making me feel better about myself, and a happier me means I can make other people happier too. So I'm excited. Every time I start to feel a bit down about the relationship, I'm trying my best to avoid the negative feelings. I avoid the wallowing, and I try to take a step back and put everything in perspective. I think I'm becoming more patient in this way. It's definitely difficult to change people (particularly stubborn males!) but I guess the best thing I can do is try and change myself and hope others notice and learn to reflect on themselves more. Either that, or I learn to accept people more. I'll try for both.

TBTTHTMT: I played decent golf despite the trying conditions of rain and wind. Hopefully tomorrow's round will be equally positive if not better!

Game-ban: Day 5

My boy is playing Pet Society. I am tempted, but I do not give in. Me 1, the boy/computer 0. Yes!

Game-ban: Day 4

I would love to play some Gostop or Word Challenge right now! But alas, I cannot.

Game-ban: Day 1

Day 1 and it's already a struggle. The only reason I am managing to stay away from the gaming is because of the public announcement. Not that anybody reads this blog anyway, but nevertheless. My mind keeps wandering to the games, but I restrain myself because of the promise I made to myself. And I end up twiddling my thumbs at my computer. This must be what it feels like to go cold turkey on smoking. Okay, maybe that was an extreme example but the number of times my hand feels like reaching for the games bookmarks on my browser is making me realise just how much time I've been wasting at my computer until now. Of course, I may never be fully 'cured' as such, but I'm hoping this will help me manage my time better (actually I think I'm filling the gaming space with blogging.. not helpful!). Times is tough, but I'll get through it and I hope I will feel better for it!

eclectic sounds part II

Started 8.46am today:

Peggy Lee: Bali Ha'i (sourced from the soundtrack album American Beauty, although I'm sure it was originally from another album)
Angelique Kidjo: Give It Up (from the album Oremi)
Lighthouse Family: Let It All Change (from the album Postcards From Heaven)
Kaylan: Rock Me All Night (from the album Best Ever Bonking Songs Vol. II)
Boards of Canada: Satellite Anthem Icarus (from the album The Campfire Headphase)
Tom Jones & The Barenaked Ladies: Little Green Bag (picked up as a pop hit back in the day)
Nitin Sawhney: Falling(from the album Human)
Groove Armada: Serve Chilled (randomly picked up back in the day)
Leonardo's Bride: Stay (from the album Angel Blood)
Train: Drops of Jupite (picked up as a pop hit back in the day)
Adele: Daydreamer (from the album 19)
She & Him: This Is Not A Test (from the album Volume One)
Nitin Sawhney: The Boatman (from the album Human)
Jose Gonzalez: In Our Nature (from the album In Our Nature)
Missy Elliot: This Is Our Last Time feat. Fabolous (from the album This Is Not A Test!)
Samantha Fox: Touch Me (I Want Your Body) (from the album Best Ever Bonking Songs Vol. II)
The Cardigans: Lovefool (picked up as a pop hit back in the day)

Stopped at 9.55am because I can't concentrate on my QMB!

eclectic sounds

Ask anybody who knows me well, and they'll tell you I have a broad palate when it comes to music. I have a box of CD folders beneath my table, and I have a lot of music on my computer which I haven't transferred to CD as well. Although the songs on my computer are my primary source of listening these days, it will always be an inaccurate representation of the extent of my music interest, because there are some artists which I adore but don't have as a digital copy.

Nevertheless, in an attempt to keep me from gaming and being distracted by other things, I have decided to embark on an experiment to show (mostly to myself) how eclectic my collection is when it is mashed up. So I currently have my digital music collection on shuffle as of 7.24pm tonight. I'm going to keep this blog post open while I study, so I can list the songs that have been playing. Here goes:

Barenaked Ladies: Serendipity (from the album Are Men)
Robbie Williams: Me and My Shadow (from the album Swing when You're Winning)
Jimmy Barnes: Lover Lover (from a Mushroom Records 25th Anniversary show recording)
Xavier Rudd: Introduction (from the album To Let)
Leonardo's Bride: Blue Gone Green (from the album Open Sesame)
Holly Valance: Down Boy (picked up as a pop hit back in the day)
Nitin Sawhney: Say Hello (from the album Human)
Counting Crows: Mr. Jones (from the album August and Everything After)
Leonardo's Bride: Fall (from the album Angel Blood)
Alicia Keys: Diary feat. Tony Toni Tone (from the album The Diary of Alicia Keys)
Erykah Badu: Bag Lady (from the album Mama's Gun)
Green Day: When I Come Around (from the album Dookie)
Babyface: Wonderful Tonight (from the album Playlist)
Asa: So Beautiful (from the album Asa)

Stopped at 8.18pm for QMB study (can't think maths while thinking music)

To be continued after this episode of QMB..

a self-challenge

I have decided that games are taking up too much of my time these days, namely Word Challenge, Pet Society and Gostop. Even admitting that Pet Society takes up my time is embarrassing. But that's a good thing I think, because that's extra incentive to change.

So, the challenge I'm proposing to myself is that I will not play games for 10 days, starting tonight - well then I should make that 10.5 days, because tonight is really only half a day. Instead, I will aim to read more, whether it's for leisure or for study, and play more piano, and maybe get creative as well (although that last point is unlikely).

Good luck to me! I don't know if I can do it but I'm hoping this public announcement will help.

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TBTTHTMT: Drawing in my special art book with Crayola crayons, and sharing in the fun moment with my boyfriend. Shame we had to get off the train before he could finish his part :(

more missed deadlines, and other things

I'm so inconsistent with my blog posts. It suggests that I spend more time away from the computer these days, but that is far from the truth. That said, I feel like I have been having at least one happy moment each day lately, and it's a good feeling. It almost feels wrong.. I expect something to go wrong, somebody to go off at me, etc. Well actually I still have people getting angry at me, but I feel like I'm able to brush it off better.. sometimes. At times I feel like it hits harder, because I'm getting used to the positive vibes.

But to get back to the point - some of the best things that have happened to me lately (hence the missed deadlines*) are: more 21st birthday parties, finally getting to experience the fun that is Guitar Hero III, finally watching the remaining episodes of The Gruen Transfer (need to start on Good News Week soon!) and watching Season 7 of Scrubs. Also, spending time with my friends at uni, even if it was mostly for group assignments (I still had loads of fun), and being more active in keeping in touch with people over Facebook. Admittedly, Facebook is not the ideal form of communication (unless your friends are overseas or interstate, and even then I suppose Skype is a better option, unless your timezones are really out of sync), but I guess it will have to do for now. And truth be told, there are lots of people you can chat to on Facebook, but in real life you wouldn't have much to say to each other. Which is strange. But when I consider that I don't use Facebook to talk to my closest friends, it makes sense (in an odd way).

*Thankfully I didn't miss any deadlines for uni assignments last week - got them all done, even if I wasn't impressed with my individual assignment. At least I can say that our group assignments went well (hope the markers think so too)!

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My boyfriend bought me a piggy bank on the weekend. It's really pretty, and the design and colours combined remind me of the playing cards from Disney's Alice in Wonderland. I wish I was good at giving presents. I think it reflects badly on me because it suggests that I don't really pay attention to people and their personalities, or what they like/enjoy.

I've openly admitted in the past that I couldn't pull together a list of the things he likes, and I used to get depressed about it. But I think I can do it now..

Sports: Manchester United.. can't remember what particular football league though (English Premier League?).. I know it's only recently started..
TV: Scrubs, The Shield, Entourage, maybe Flight of the Conchords now
Music: Lots! Some of the favourites that I can remember right now are John Legend, Ministry of Sound, Alicia Keys, Deftones, Daft Punk, Katie Noonan, Robin Thicke, Anthony Hamilton.. and various songs sung by the characters from Scrubs
Books: Eric van Lustbader (emphasis on the "lust" part) and Paulo Coelho. And he's reading "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins (?) at the moment..
Animals: Beagles, and I think Golden Retrievers / Russian Blues.. definitely not Chihuahuas!
Games: Street Fighter, Stacker, Tekken 5/6, Guitar Hero III, Battlefield 2142 (I don't know if that's the right number haha!), Lego Star Wars and/or Indiana Jones, Poker, Gostop and I think to a lesser extent Pet Society, Word Challenge and Diablo.
Other: Discovering new recipes in the kitchen through some culinary improvisation, inserting at least five Scrubs quotes into every conversation (give or take 2 or 3), making me laugh by doing silly things that I'm too embarrassed to do (I eventually pick up on them later), playing games/being competitive with me, finding new music that I like and haven't heard of yet (sometimes this is more difficult than you may think!), creating in-jokes together.. that's all for now.

So there's the proof. I do know something about him. :)

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Just want to keep trying, trying
Just want to keep trying for you
I want to care for you
In your darkest moment
I want to make you smile
All the time

I just want to keep trying
Trying for you..