Gazelle, I killed you
for your skin's exquisite
touch, for how easy it is
to be nailed to a board
weathered raw as white
butcher paper. Last night
I heard my daughter praying
for the meat here at my feet.
You know it wasn't anger
that made me stop my heart
till the hammer fell. Weeks
ago, I broke you as a woman
once shattered me into a song
beneath her weight, before
you slouched into that
grassy hush. But now
I'm tightening lashes,
shaping hide as if around
a ribcage, stretched
like five bowstrings.
Ghosts cannot slip back
inside the body's drum.
You've been seasoned
by wind, dusk & sunlight.
Pressure can make everything
whole again, brass nails
tacked into the ebony wood
your face has been carved
five times. I have to drive
trouble from the valley.
Trouble in the hills.
Trouble on the river
too. There's no kola nut,
palm wine, fish, salt,
or calabash. Kadoom.
Kadoom. Kadoom. Ka-
doooom. Kadoom. Now
I have beaten a song back into you,
rise & walk away like a panther.
-- Yusef Komunyakaa
Thursday, November 6, 2008
boredom posts
Two exams down, two to go. I'm almost there. Today's effort wasn't the best - in some ways it was better than expected, in other ways it wasn't what I'd hoped. But that's just how it is with exams.. a bit of knowledge, and a bit of luck.. combine the two and I'm hoping for a pass!
Agreed to study for the next exam with a friend, so just waiting for her to finish the exam and making the most of my idle time by blogging. Perhaps not the most appropriate use of spare time during exams, but even this is more productive than how I've spent my other days..
Pretty excited that Barack Obama is going to be the 44th President of the United States. I hope that the US and the rest of the world becomes a better place with his assistance. I don't actually know much about his policies but I think over the coming years I'll follow the news more because I'm interested in seeing what he does.
Agreed to study for the next exam with a friend, so just waiting for her to finish the exam and making the most of my idle time by blogging. Perhaps not the most appropriate use of spare time during exams, but even this is more productive than how I've spent my other days..
Pretty excited that Barack Obama is going to be the 44th President of the United States. I hope that the US and the rest of the world becomes a better place with his assistance. I don't actually know much about his policies but I think over the coming years I'll follow the news more because I'm interested in seeing what he does.
---
Been exhausted all day. I'm unreceptive; his jokes aren't as funny, his stories not as interesting. So tired and flushed with heat, I don't have the energy to look happy. He takes it personally - he becomes unsettled because he can't seem to make me happy. Truth is he doesn't have to try. Just seeing him and walking beside him, I feel content, relieved, at ease. I try and be perkier; now he's tired and unresponsive. An odd yin and yang.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
learning to believe in myself
In the later stages of high school, I had a lot of emotional experiences at home that caused me a lot of tears, frustration, stress, and general self-criticism. However it also inspired me to indulge in a lot (and I mean A LOT) of reflection. Reflection on myself, and reflection on life and others around me. I confided in a teacher, who became my closest friend (ironically, at a distance, for fear of inciting student-teacher relationship rumours). Sometimes the conversations were just about music, because I didn't really want to talk about my problems. Other times, the problems were plaguing me and I would be a waterfall of words and tears of frustration. But that's not the point.
Occasionally - not too often, because it would dull the impact, but just enough so it was a special thought - I was told that I was a strong person inside with a lot of courage. Me being me (I am usually self-deprecating if not overly modest at times), I didn't really believe it and only took it as a nice compliment.
But looking back over the years, and the kinds of decisions I've made (whether they have been good or bad, who knows), the difficulties I've endured, and the experiences I've been a part of.. it's made me realise that yes, you should be humble, but at the same time you should not discount who you are.
Ever since being hailed as a "show-off" in primary school by some of my girl friends back then, I've been ashamed (to an extent) of displaying my abilities in public. Yes, I enjoy performing and being on stage whether it's solo or in a group - because I like entertaining people, not because I want to "show-off". Consequently, many times I performed with the depressing thought that people would be bitching behind my back.
"Look at her, she thinks she's so good."
I think this bothered me the most maybe in Year 11 or 12. Ironically, I think that was probably the time when it would have been least likely to happen.
Anyways this post is getting long winded!
All I wanted to say is that I believe I am a strong person. I am certain that I have faults, like any human being will, but I have a lot of strengths too, and I should never feel the need to discount myself for anybody else. It's not easy, and I'm sure there are many people out there who will never find the courage nor the willpower to achieve this. But for whoever may read this post, I hope it is of some encouragement for self-reflection, a removal of negative self-criticism and an installment of positive self-belief.
I accept and understand my weaknesses, and in doing so I embrace my strengths.
Occasionally - not too often, because it would dull the impact, but just enough so it was a special thought - I was told that I was a strong person inside with a lot of courage. Me being me (I am usually self-deprecating if not overly modest at times), I didn't really believe it and only took it as a nice compliment.
But looking back over the years, and the kinds of decisions I've made (whether they have been good or bad, who knows), the difficulties I've endured, and the experiences I've been a part of.. it's made me realise that yes, you should be humble, but at the same time you should not discount who you are.
Ever since being hailed as a "show-off" in primary school by some of my girl friends back then, I've been ashamed (to an extent) of displaying my abilities in public. Yes, I enjoy performing and being on stage whether it's solo or in a group - because I like entertaining people, not because I want to "show-off". Consequently, many times I performed with the depressing thought that people would be bitching behind my back.
"Look at her, she thinks she's so good."
I think this bothered me the most maybe in Year 11 or 12. Ironically, I think that was probably the time when it would have been least likely to happen.
Anyways this post is getting long winded!
All I wanted to say is that I believe I am a strong person. I am certain that I have faults, like any human being will, but I have a lot of strengths too, and I should never feel the need to discount myself for anybody else. It's not easy, and I'm sure there are many people out there who will never find the courage nor the willpower to achieve this. But for whoever may read this post, I hope it is of some encouragement for self-reflection, a removal of negative self-criticism and an installment of positive self-belief.
I accept and understand my weaknesses, and in doing so I embrace my strengths.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Rives is riveting!
Don't believe me?
This guy is good. :)
2.13am - Update: THIS GUY IS AWESOME!
I love his poetry. He is an enchanting fellow. It's in the passion. I think I've just developed a literary crush..
And this. The rhymes are so damn subtle, you might not have noticed them if I hadn't mentioned them..
This guy is good. :)
2.13am - Update: THIS GUY IS AWESOME!
I love his poetry. He is an enchanting fellow. It's in the passion. I think I've just developed a literary crush..
And this. The rhymes are so damn subtle, you might not have noticed them if I hadn't mentioned them..
late-night antics
I first discovered Vusi Mahlasela while watching the documentary Amandla! A Revolution in Four-Part Harmony. The doco is about how music played an important role in the fight against Apartheid - freedom songs and the like.
Mahlasela was a political activist during the time, and he is also an amazing musician with a beautiful voice. I think he's also a poet, if I remember correctly. It's reflected in his music anyhow, a seamless weave of melody and storytelling.
Here are two clips of Vusi I've come across tonight while browsing TED.com. I highly recommend the website, as it hosts a vast array of intellectual speeches as well as musical and other artistic performances.
The first song is Thula Mama, which incidentally features in the Amandla! documentary. The second one is called Woza, and although there is a lot of percussive vocals at the beginning, the song progresses into more melody and lyrics if you're willing to watch the whole clip :)
Really want to get my hands on a copy of his album(s).. I may need to order them in from overseas though.. maybe when the Aussie dollar goes up..
Mahlasela was a political activist during the time, and he is also an amazing musician with a beautiful voice. I think he's also a poet, if I remember correctly. It's reflected in his music anyhow, a seamless weave of melody and storytelling.
Here are two clips of Vusi I've come across tonight while browsing TED.com. I highly recommend the website, as it hosts a vast array of intellectual speeches as well as musical and other artistic performances.
The first song is Thula Mama, which incidentally features in the Amandla! documentary. The second one is called Woza, and although there is a lot of percussive vocals at the beginning, the song progresses into more melody and lyrics if you're willing to watch the whole clip :)
Really want to get my hands on a copy of his album(s).. I may need to order them in from overseas though.. maybe when the Aussie dollar goes up..
Saturday, November 1, 2008
inadequacies? or differences?
I can't help it if I'm a forgetful person, and I have to ask the same questions over and over.
When somebody writes to me, whether it's an email or a text message etc, I read over the words lots of times. I don't know why, but it feels like if I read them once, it's not doing the words any justice. Maybe that's why I'm so good at picking up inconsistencies or grammatical errors (etc) from documents. I just have a natural tendency to mull over the written word.
From my previous experiences, I've discovered that if somebody teaches me how do to something at work, I need to write everything down step-by-step, because I can't recall everything they tell me once they've finished. I refer to my notes a few times in doing the task, and once I've done it a few times over an extended period of time (maybe a few days or a few weeks depending on the frequency of the task), it'll set itself in the collective conscious knowledge in my mind.
Same goes for my friends and whatever it is about their life that they are telling me about. I find myself forgetting quite a lot, or remembering the most abstract things about people. Quite frustrating, really. It makes it seem like I'm either uninterested or not listening properly. But that's not true! I'm just bad at remembering things sometimes. Okay, maybe a lot of the time.
Why is this? I don't know. Maybe I didn't have a good-memory gene handed down to me. Or maybe it's because I have such a broad variety of interests and social circles that I'm used to flitting about from one thought to another, making it difficult to focus on retaining a lot from any one source.
In any case, I'm trying to be a better listener for the people who matter to me the most. It's had quite positive results so far in my opinion, and hopefully I'll become a better people person.
When somebody writes to me, whether it's an email or a text message etc, I read over the words lots of times. I don't know why, but it feels like if I read them once, it's not doing the words any justice. Maybe that's why I'm so good at picking up inconsistencies or grammatical errors (etc) from documents. I just have a natural tendency to mull over the written word.
From my previous experiences, I've discovered that if somebody teaches me how do to something at work, I need to write everything down step-by-step, because I can't recall everything they tell me once they've finished. I refer to my notes a few times in doing the task, and once I've done it a few times over an extended period of time (maybe a few days or a few weeks depending on the frequency of the task), it'll set itself in the collective conscious knowledge in my mind.
Same goes for my friends and whatever it is about their life that they are telling me about. I find myself forgetting quite a lot, or remembering the most abstract things about people. Quite frustrating, really. It makes it seem like I'm either uninterested or not listening properly. But that's not true! I'm just bad at remembering things sometimes. Okay, maybe a lot of the time.
Why is this? I don't know. Maybe I didn't have a good-memory gene handed down to me. Or maybe it's because I have such a broad variety of interests and social circles that I'm used to flitting about from one thought to another, making it difficult to focus on retaining a lot from any one source.
In any case, I'm trying to be a better listener for the people who matter to me the most. It's had quite positive results so far in my opinion, and hopefully I'll become a better people person.
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