life and beyond

I won't lie. I'm scared of dying. The fear has a way of gripping me suddenly, the realisation smacking me in the head like a bucket of ice-cold water being thrown at your face.

Tonight I've been listening to some acoustic tunes - the album 'Dead Wood Falls' by Jen Cloher & The Endless Sea, and now I'm listening to 'Fall & Winter' by Jon Foreman. Both really good albums and I've never given them a proper listen until tonight.

This song just played then, and the lyrics struck me. I'm in an oddly emotional state at the moment so the music had a profound effect on me as it played out its melody.

I'm gonna miss you
I'm gonna miss you
When you're gone
She says, I love you
I'm gonna miss you
And your songs

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
She said, friend

All along I thought
I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die

Hey everyone
I've got nowhere to go
The grave is lazing me
He takes our body slow

And I said, please
Don't talk about the end
Don't talk about how
Every living thing goes away
I said, friend,
All along I thought
I was learning how to take

How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die
Die, die
I've been learning how to die
I've been learning how to die

- Jon Foreman, 'Learning How To Die'

springtime

Looking back and contemplating the ebb and flow of my emotions, it seems that the start of spring (September) has become a time of reflection and nostalgia. Certain songs and musicians evoke memories of yesteryear, moments locked in time, out of reach but still alive in memory.

For example - last week I was listening to "Boa Sorte (Good Luck)" by Vanessa da Mata and Ben Harper, and it threw me back in time, to the days and weeks prior to my current relationship. The sense of wonder and excitement, fear and the "what-if" factor... emotions that last only as long as the courtship. But I think they're important emotions. They help me remember how I felt when I first started to fall in love. They remind me how I got here, and the memories make me smile.

Currently I'm listening to Dave Matthews and was briefly lost in a moment of nostalgia about my friendship with Scott, because he's the one who introduced me to the music. And let's face it, sometimes I am completely besotted with the musical persona of Dave Matthews, illustrated through his music and lyrics. So this music wields a lot of emotional clout, and I have Scott to thank for it.

Rise and fall, roads divided, connections discovered, uncovered, and lost.

"Tolerance is the only real test of civilization."

- Arthur Helps

blue-oo-oo

if you're happy and you know it, write a poem

I love you whether you're near or far.

It doesn't matter where you are.

I love you more than life itself.

Your happiness is my greatest wealth.

Now my eyes are heavy with sleep,

I'm imagining your warm embrace...

While I kiss you full and deep,

My fingers stroking your handsome face. X

it's the thought that counts

Just lying in bed thinking what to say,

But nothing comes to mind.

I still force myself to write,

'Cause one day I will get it right,

And make you smile.

Don't bother looking for the rhyme,

As it's only random text you will find.

Try to look for the meaning in between,

And you will see that love is what I mean. :)

4E&2D

a midnight response

Finally falling into bed...

Your poem made me smile.

You're definitely improving,

It was your longest by a mile.

You want me to both rest and dance...

To multi-task in sleep, perchance?

Like Robin for Maid Marion fair,

Let my arrow fly so straight and true,

That my kisses fall into your hair,

And you hear me whisper,

"I love you." X

an alternative

Tonight I would write an epic email,

Had the wireless card not failed.

I'm left with the choice of a text,

For the chance to make you smile next.

And although it's coming out pretty shitty,

Not to continue would just be a pitty*.

Rest,

Sleep well,

'Cause tomorrow is a new day.

And it's going to be great.

Because I said so.

And sometimes...

Just sometimes, I'm right.

So come and meet me in my dreams,

And we will dance the night away. X X X

*Editor's note: I thought this spelling mistake was too cute to correct :)